“This is what your are like. You are like a man who has been struck by a poisoned arrow. Your friends take you to the healer so that the arrow can be removed and an antidote given for the poison. But you refuse to allow the healer to remove the arrow until he first answers all your questions. Who shot the arrow at you? What was his motive? What kind of arrow is it? What kind of poison did he use? On and on you ask your questions as the arrow remains in your body with the poison seeping into your blood. And so you die before your questions are answered." - The Buddha
The questions of where the arrow came from, who shot it, why they shot it, what it all means... they’re irrelevant to the relief of the one who has been shot. Focusing on those questions may seem meaningful and important, but ultimately they only distract from the relief of suffering. (The word "suffering" is used here in the Buddhist sense, dukkha.) Suffering is relieved when you bring your focus to the here and now, rather than spend your time and energy in useless speculation, looking for answers that won't provide relief. We ask the questions and wait for the answers, believing that only after we have them will we be able to remove the arrow - the suffering.
The parable is about metaphysical questions, but I find it easily applies to my daily life. It brings awareness to the important-seeming questions that ultimately do nothing to relieve my suffering. Questions like, “Who put this here?” “Why would somebody do this?” “Why is there a wet towel on the couch?” “Why do I do this to myself?” “What is wrong with me/him/her/them?”
In the moment, those questions feel really valid. But in reality, all they do is distract from the task at hand. In those moments, I’m reacting to thoughts about how things “should” be, rather than how they are. I’m asking questions about the meaning of my suffering, rather than simply taking steps to relieve that suffering. Asking who put the towel on the couch, why it’s wet, and why that seemed okay to someone does not pick the towel up and put it where I want it. Neither does assigning negative emotion to the reality of the towel on the couch, which is usually what comes right after the question. Because, as Buddha also said: "In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves."
“Why are they fighting?” “Who put these Legos here?” “Why would he pee on the floor?” These questions aren’t wrong. The answers might be very useful. If your child is having a tantrum in the supermarket, it is entirely appropriate to get centered, to try to think of what might be going on for him, and respond accordingly. But when you ask these questions with the implication that they should NOT be fighting, the Legos should NOT be there, he should NOT pee on the floor, and he should most certainly NOT be throwing a fit in the produce section, those questions prevent you from being present to the moment. If the question is actually getting in the way of relieving the suffering, then put it aside and pull out the arrow.
I’m finding that as I go about my day, reminding myself to stay in the moment, and focus on the task at hand rather than asking unsatisfying questions has been eye-opening. I simply did not realize how many times I pull myself out of the present in this way; reminding myself to “just remove the arrow” helps me to take away any judgment, any expectations, and to give myself to the moment.
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